The Holiday Test: How to Know If Someone Is Serious About You

There is something about the holiday season that reveals the truth in relationships.

Maybe it is the slower pace. Maybe it is the family dinners, the year-end reflections, or the quiet moments when the noise of everyday life reduces. Whatever it is, December has a way of making intentions louder.

Over the years, I have noticed one thing very clearly. People may confuse you all year. But during the holidays, they show you exactly where you stand.

I call it the Holiday Test.

Not because it is dramatic, but because it is honest.

When someone is serious about you, it reflects in their choices, not their words. And nowhere is this more visible than during the festive season decisions.

Let us talk about what actually matters.

Inclusion is not accidental

One of the clearest signs of seriousness is inclusion.

When someone genuinely sees you as part of their future, you are not hidden during holidays. You are not squeezed into last-minute plans. You are not an afterthought between family obligations and friend gatherings.

You are considered.

It could be something simple. Asking about your holiday plans. Making space for you in theirs. Introducing you to people who matter to them.

As one woman once told me, “I realised I was serious about him when I started imagining where he would sit at my parents’ dining table.”

That is how commitment works. It starts quietly in the mind before it shows up in real life.

If someone keeps their holidays strictly separate from you, year after year, that is not bad luck. That is a choice.

Effort shows up when life gets busy

The holiday season is hectic for everyone. Work deadlines. Travel. Family responsibilities. Social obligations.

This is exactly why effort matters more now than ever.

Someone who is serious does not disappear just because life is full. They communicate. They reassure. They make small efforts that say, “You matter, even when I am busy.”

A message before a long family day. A quick call between events. A plan made in advance, not promised vaguely.

One of the biggest misconceptions in modern dating is that effort should look grand. It does not. Consistency is far more telling than intensity.

If someone wants to be in your life, they will find ways to stay present, not excuses to vanish.

Clarity feels different from comfort

Many people stay in situationships longer than they should because it feels comfortable. Holidays often expose this difference.

A serious person does not keep you guessing during a season that already carries emotional weight. They may not have all the answers, but they are clear about their intentions.

They do not say things like, “Let us see how the year ends” while enjoying all the benefits of closeness.

They understand that uncertainty is not romantic. It is draining.

As one client once said, “I did not need a promise. I just needed to know I was not being rented emotionally.”

Clarity is kindness. Especially during the holidays.

How they talk about the future matters

Pay attention to language.

People who see you as temporary speak in the present. People who see you as lasting naturally include you in the future.

It does not have to be marriage talk. It could be as small as “Next year we should do this” or “I would love to take you there someday.”

When someone avoids any future reference involving you, especially during a reflective season like December, it is usually intentional.

The holidays make people introspective. If you are not part of their reflection, that tells you something.

You should not feel like a secret

This one is important.

If someone is serious about you, you do not feel hidden. You do not feel like you exist only in private spaces.

Serious relationships expand. They do not shrink during festive seasons.

You deserve to be acknowledged, not protected like a liability.

One of the hardest truths to accept is this. If someone wants to keep you separate from their real life, it is because they do not see you in it long-term.

And no amount of patience will change that.

Trust how you feel around them

The holiday test is not just about what they do. It is also about how you feel.

Do you feel calm or anxious. Included or confused. Secure or constantly overthinking.

Your body often understands what your mind is trying to rationalise.

As I always say, “Peace is not boring. Peace is clarity.”

When someone is serious, love feels grounding, not destabilising.

A gentle reminder

Not everyone who fails the holiday test is a bad person. Some people simply do not want the same future you do. And that is okay.

What is not okay is staying where effort is inconsistent and clarity is missing, hoping the next holiday will be different.

At UrbanMatch, we often tell our members that intentional dating is not about rushing. It is about choosing honesty early. Whether through our Online Mixers or exclusive membership, we see time and again that seriousness shows up in actions long before commitments are spoken.

So this season, instead of decoding mixed signals, observe patterns.

The holidays do not create truth. They reveal it.

And once you see it clearly, trust yourself enough to respond accordingly.

Because the right person will not make you wonder where you stand. They will make room for you, naturally, confidently, and without hesitation.